There are four times I can recall truly breaking down and crying over my daughter. I am sure there are many other times I shed a tear or two, but these four times stick out in my heart and I am afraid they are wounds that may mend, but never truly heal.
1. The day I became a mother, the day she was born. That feeling will never be replaced by any other living being. She was the beginning of the rest of my life.
2. The day I stood in the hallway at her preschool and she cried and screamed for an hour but I knew if I waited each day it would get better and better, and it did. The guilt I felt for taking one college class that semester (which was all we could afford) will never leave my heart. The tears that rolled down my face will never be forgotten.
3. The day Lance wrapped his arm around me and pulled me down the Kindergarten hallway as I walked away crying my eyes out from Mrs. Hall's class. Taylor was so happy and not nervous at all! She actually would of let us drop her off at the curb I think. That day I knew she was going to be the strongest woman I will ever know.
4. This past Friday, June 5th, 2009. Taylor became ill and was unable to attend her last 2 days of 4th grade. I then brought ice cream to her class (as promised) and picked up her things and awards she missed out on at the ceremony. I was fine, had accepted the fact she was a 5th grader now, and going on to a new campus. Then I got in the car and this Darius Rucker song was on, "It Won't Be Like This For Long". I then glanced at the playground and realized that was the last time Taylor would have ever played on a playground again at school. The last time, on Wednesday, without knowing she would get sick and miss her last two days of school, was the last recess she will ever have. Of course I am sure they get to run around and play kickball, and get their energy out at her new campus, but it's not the same. It's not the brightly colored playground equipment, it's not the same angelic faces. Some of the faces will have lip gloss on, or a little bit of blush. Some of those faces won't want their hair to get messed up, or their clothes dirty. I just lost it and will always remember the way I felt as I drove away from that campus for the last time for Taylor.
Listen to the words and hold your children close to your heart, and your daughters just a little bit closer. They are the ones that have to learn to hold their own children one day. What a great gift God has given me?! Taylor.