Built for Defensive Purposes

wall
(wôl)
n.

1. An upright structure of masonry, wood, plaster, or other building material serving to enclose, divide, or protect an area, especially a vertical construction forming an inner partition or exterior siding of a building.
2. A continuous structure of masonry or other material forming a rampart and built for defensive purposes. Often used in the plural.
3. A structure of stonework, cement, or other material built to retain a flow of water.
4.
a. Something resembling a wall in appearance, function, or construction, as the exterior surface of a body organ or part: the abdominal wall.
b. Something resembling a wall in impenetrability or strength: a wall of silence; a wall of fog.
c. An extreme or desperate condition or position, such as defeat or ruin: driven to the wall by poverty.

I have been so busy lately I haven't really blogged about me, my strengths, weaknesses, and just everything. The kids are in bed, dishes are done, my homework is done, the house could be picked up but the trash is taken out and we all have clean clothes for tomorrow, so what more could you ask for? As soon as I sat down to start typing, the word "wall" entered my mind. When I think of walls I think of many that I put up on a daily basis. There are so many people I don't let in or forgive, especially myself. There are so many walls I put up to serve as a a divide to protect an area, my heart. I want what so many others have, I don't mean I am jealous, or envy them, I mean I want to knock down my walls and let people in. I hold my tongue with my true hurts and needs with everyone except Lance. He and I have no walls, I literally mean that. In any given situation I can express my feelings, needs, desires and pure selfish wants with him. He and I knocked down our walls long ago. Now, I feel like I need to start knocking down some more. One wall I want to force to the ground is getting my degree. Not many people know that I didn't graduate from high school. On the last day of school I was told I was .5 credits away from walking due to my tardiness and absences (I used to skip school all the time or go in late). My dad was raising Eric and I so he never knew till it was too late. He was always at work and I was a good liar. Well, that lie came to a screeching halt when I didn't show up for graduation. I was mortified, but the one person that picked up my tattered and torn heart was my new boyfriend of two months, Lance. He swept me off my feet from the beginning, drove me to and from San Jacinto College every day for a week so I could get my GED that summer and I never looked back, well almost never did. I still look over my shoulder from time to time yearning for my Senior year back so I can do it right. But, no regrets, right? That's my first wall, feeling like this Bachelors Degree will open my heart to places I never knew existed so I can let that past pain finally, completely, go away. Walls, remember they crumble, so we should go ahead and knock them down before they hurt someone.