Friday, June 9, 2017

She Had Had Enough.

I don't remember how old I was. I know we lived on the lake, and I know my brother was walking, maybe not talking, I don't recall. My dad had just got home from work. My mom had been drinking that day, didn't really effect my brother and I, she was always kind to us. She loved us. I never felt unloved. It would be decades before I truly understood her pain. I just knew my dad was always the same. Never different. Always the same.

He went to the bathroom and was going to take a shower. The same ritual he did daily. I remember that I was sitting in the living room looking out the back door. We lived on the lake so our back yard was always ever changing. As a child this was a dream life. Room to play for my brother and I. She could hardly stand straight up without swaying. She had his wallet and she was taking money. I must have been 5-6 years old. I knew she was not supposed to be in my dad's wallet. I loved that man. He was my dad. She was flawed. He was perfect to me. I wanted to bolt down the hallway but she put her finger to her mouth, telling me to be quiet. She then put my brother and I in the car, bags packed and we were gone. I didn't know what was happening. I don't remember being afraid. I was confused, but not afraid.

We were headed down HWY 59 and I knew this route well. We were headed to Louisiana. My mom had been drinking all day but I could't tell much difference. Our station wagon seemed like a wonderland really. My brother and I had our belongings, we had our toys. We were fine. We were with our mom. Then it became dark and she picked up the first man. Someone on the side of the road that needed a ride. Someone for her to talk to I'm sure. When you feel alone you turn to things to fill that void. My mom had the habit of choosing dangerous things.

I can honestly say that I was so young that that night is patchy. I vividly remember some parts, and other parts I don't. I know that somewhere along the way she picked up a second hitchhiker. My brother and I were in the hatch by this time with blankets, pillows, and toys. I remember that I was keeping him busy. From a young age I was always taking care of my brother. I always kept him shielded from things that I was unsure of. I have just always been a mother to him. He never understood that, and to this day he still doesn't understand that. I have seen so many things that he has no clue ever occurred. I was good at being a big sister.

It was extremely dark and late. I woke up because the car stopped. I knew this house. It was my grandma's house. I saw my mom standing at the door talking to her. I looked up to the front of the car and saw those two men going through my mom's purse. She then staggered back to the car and we left. I would find out later that my grandmother was trying to convince my mom to let us stay with her. My grandmother also immediately called my father.

It could not have been more than an hour as we crossed into the next parish. As soon as we crossed the line a swarm of cop car lights surrounded us. To me, it was 10 cars. In reality, it may have only been 2, but I remember we were surrounded and flashing lights. The hitchhikers were told to walk on. My mom was handcuffed and put in one car, and my brother and I were put into another.

We slept at the police station with an officer watching over us. I remember early that morning my dad walked in. We were safe. We were going home. He later told me that when he arrived that the officer asked if he brought any proof that we were his kids. He told the officer to open the door, you will get your proof. We ran straight to him. I loved my dad. He was my hero. Always saving me.

My Opa had come with him and he drove my mom's car back to Texas. My mom was left in jail there. I don't know the details. I don't know how or why she came home. I just know that within a week our family was back together. Like nothing had ever happened. 

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Taking Something That I Thought Defined Me and Making it Truly Define Me.

I am not a writer, so as I dive back into blogging you are going to see TONS of mistakes, lots of repetition, and more. So here we go. My first blog in FOREVER!

I was 18 years old, it was the last day of High School, it was May, 1994. I walked into the principals office and I knew there was no turning back. I had missed too many days of school that year. I hadn't made them up, I hadn't done enough community service. I just wanted to walk. Don't even give me the diploma, just let me walk with my friends, for my family, for my new boyfriend and his family. Please.

Let's back up. My parents divorced when I was 16. My brother and I stayed with my Dad. He worked all day, every day, and fished, went to car races, or watched TV on weekends. He was a provider, never missed work, loved us, gave me things when I needed them, but we didn't have much money. We were not hurting though. We were a typical, check to check, family of three. The extra parenting concern might be what was missing. The path laid out for what's next, or how to succeed , was something that I didn't know about.

As I sat in her office, I will never forget this principal because I dated her son in middle school and he was graduating too, I just knew it was bad. I had held this secret, this knowledge of skipping class, going to school late, and just sleeping. I didn't do anything wrong, I just slept. Looking back, I think I was depressed. She let me know that I was not only not graduating, I was not walking. I was .5 credits off of being able to walk with my class and be a summer graduate. She would not bend the rules, and I was not walking that night. I fell apart. My mom lived in another town and though we had a relationship, it wasn't the best. I hated her new boyfriend. He represented the tear in our family. If she would have been home I would have never slept so much, I would have got up, I would have cared.  I had been an all A Honor Roll Student my entire life. As high school went on, I began to slip, and no one was watching. I had a boyfriend all through school, and he gave me a reason to care, but after he graduated and broke up with me the fall of my Senior year I truly stopped giving a crap. No one even noticed. If they did, they didn't say anything to me.

My favorite teacher was asked to come out of class and be with me in the principals office. She held me as I cried. It was over. My life, in my eyes, was truly over. I would have to go to summer school and get my diploma in August. I was leaving for a Senior Trip to Cancun the Sunday after graduation. My dad had been paying on it all year and looking back, was a way to show off. He liked to spend his money when he looked good. I do believe he loved me, but he didn't know how to love a daughter. He was always taught to buy affection. I would later understand that even more.  My teacher comforted me, I gathered myself up and went home. I am sure I called my boyfriend at the time first. He was very compassionate and said he wanted to get me out of the town for the night. He knew I needed my mind on something else, and fast. We went to his old high school's graduation, where he had graduated the year before, and watched his friends. We made up some story about me graduating the night before, no internet back then, how could you check my story! Ha! I got my mind off of it all. I don't remember the exact details of how I told everyone. My Dad was so upset, mad, dissapointed, and more. He refused to give me spending money for the Cancun trip, I had to go, he had already paid. My Mom was understanding, I am sure she was upset, but what could she say. We were all mad at her for leaving my Dad, so she didn't get much say in anything.

That Sunday I got on a plane with about $250 in cash that my boyfriend gave me and I made it work. If I recall correctly, a friend had to pay my fees to come back home, I was broke! But I got my mind off it and never looked back. I got my GED that summer. My boyfriend bought the book to study, his Dad and Stepmom paid the $50 to take the test, and I enrolled in junior college that fall. My Dad was only paying for A's. Who knew my journey to a Bachelors Degree would not end until I was 39 years old. And that "boyfriend" is my husband of over 20 years now, and the reason I am alive. We saved each other.

Last Friday night my own daughter, graduated from the EXACT high school that defined me, in my mind, so many years ago. She is beyond amazing, and everything I wanted to be and more. She does not give a flip about what others think of her. She is kind, she is humble, she is spoiled rotten, and she is loved. I just knew I was going to be devastated, sad, hurt, anxious, depressed, and more, as I sat in those stands watching her walk across the field I never got to. I did not shed one tear. I was beyond happy. I was jovial! Lol! I did it. I graduated from Crosby High School, through my child. Her walking across that stage was like a slap in the face to the depression, the hurt, the pain, and more that I experienced as a teenager. I could not be more proud, and more excited about the journey my daughter is about to embark on. Me not graduating that night, so many years ago, did define me. It made me stronger. It made me who I am today. One little difference, and I may not be who I am now.

I used to feel so ashamed about having a GED. I used to cry when I even talked about it. Now, I am thinking, if a High School Diploma defines you, you better set your sites higher! Go get that degree, go get that certification, go get that job history, go get that knowledge in whatever it is that YOU want to be. These past bumps in the road do not define you. What defines you is what you do when you hit that bump, or get that flat tire. Do you just wait around or do you change it yourself and keep driving?

I wrote this today to share my complete and utter happiness about my daughter and what she means to me. She has and always will be, the reason I get up every day. Not her brother, not her dad, it's always been her. My hero. 

Monday, June 22, 2015

Scared at 39.

I am 39 years old and scared out of my pants about going to work in the fall. I know I can do it, just like I knew I could get my Bachelor's Degree. But this is so surreal, a job, me, a boss, 22 small little humans depending on me. It's all so crazy...stay tuned. 

Monday, July 21, 2014

Marriage...It's Not a Given.

I have not blogged in FOREVER and frankly I have a lot to say. So here we go. Let's start with marriage. I don't know why I chose that topic, but my hubby is on my mind this morning and we are just gonna talk about him. Shhh...Don't tell him!

I am 38 years old and have been with my husband since I was 18 years old, he was 19, and we have been married for 17 years this past Spring.  I can happily say we have NEVER broken up and I can also happily say this is the HARDEST thing ever! Spending your life with one person and their quirks is tough. For example, he can sleep till noon, I can't sleep past 7 most times. He can watch ESPN ALL DAY while in and out of napping, I want to watch House Hunters all day and see if they chose the house I would have chose.  He can stand outside in this Texas heat, for hours, cooking and watching football or listening to old country so loud that I can hear it in the house, while I want to stay inside listening to Justin Timberlake and redecorating something else for the millionth time. He can pop open a beer, or two, or three after mowing the lawn and say "it tastes like ice cream" and I want to drink a Starbucks refresher after HARD LABOR (Yes, I think mowing sucks). He sleeps in his socks, and that's just weird. He laughs at funny movies so loudly and turns blood red and I just want to die from embarrassment. His version of cooking family dinners, though always delicious, will consist of meat with no sides. I like to eat by 6 and he likes to eat whenever. His Saturday mornings (when I make him get up)  consist of going out in our shop and building something all day long while I want to hit Houston and shop and eat at some quaint little diner I found on the internet. He can rent a movie anytime that involves shooting something or blowing it up, while I want to go see an independent film that just came out at the theater about some long lost love. He can wear jeans, work boots (he's not a shit kicker, so remember these are work boots) and a tshirt on the daily while I want to dress up and GO! The list can go on and on. He is the complete opposite of me in most cases.

But, and yes I began this sentence with but, I have always treated our marriage like what it is, a contract. We really did sign paperwork and took an oath before God, our family, and friends.  You don't do that with parenting or anything else, you do it with marriage.  See I HATE HATE HATE when women, or men, but I really hear women say, "My husband has to love me and the kids forever", or "Can you believe he cheated on me? Our family?" or "My husband and I are best friends. We will be together forever". I call BS! If your husband is your best friend you need to get out more. I used to be one of those women. I even blogged a few years ago that Lance is my best friend.  Women NEED other women to talk to and to talk about men! You can't load your husband down with all our women stuff. They don't want to hear it all.  Of course I tell my husband things, and we are very close to one another. I ADORE the man but he doesn't give a crap about the latest town gossip, the new curtains I want or how to move our family to all organic food.  Let your man be a man, not a girlfriend!

I will leave you with this.  My husband and I made some major changes the last few years and really the last 6 months. We started treating each other like we were dating again. Treating each other with kindness, love, respect, and excitement at all times, not just some times! It is flipping working! We are acting like two teens these days and treating marriage like what it is, a constant battle for love.  Ladies remember, those kids are going to leave you one day and that man you are bitching about is going to be all you've got day in and day out! If he's not the one worth fighting for then....well, that's a whole other story.

I LOVE my man and he deserves my respect and attention, even if he wears socks to bed!

This is Me, Then.

 

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Wow, It's Been Awhile!

Wow, I Can't Believe I Haven't Blogged Since Last May!  YIKES!

I have so much to say, and so much to tell the world and I want to blog again.  I have so many little projects going on and so many things to be thankful for.  Going to clean up my blog pics and postings and hopefully get back blogging meals, projects and more. 

Remember, This is Me, Then.
I Change Every Minute!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Well, I think about blogging all the time. Like when I drive on to the University of Houston Clear Lake campus and see a dozen deer literally staring at my car and eating grass and not fazed at all. Like when I drive into my drive way and see my daughter waiting for my son to get off the bus because she acts as mother hen for me when I have a late class or meeting.  Like when I get a shot at the diet doctor (yes I am seeing a doctor now to properly get this weight off and I have lost 12 lbs in a month, woohoo. Slow and steady wins the race) and the shot hurts and I want to blog about why did I let myself get this far. Like when I am kneeling at the altar every Sunday praying nothing but good to happen to certain people that have hurt me so badly this past year and continually do. Like when the letter came in the mail asking my daughter to be honored for her high scores on the ACT!  Like the moment my daughter was asked to attend a Duke University 3 week summer camp and the moment we figured out how much it cost! OUCH! Like when I am exhausted after subbing or after the part time job I took administering the STAAR test and I finally sit down at 10:00 at night and realize I have homework due by midnight. Like the moment I decided to take a May Mini (I am second guessing myself now). Like the moment I joined a book club and our first book was 50 Shades of Grey (We can talk about that another time). Like the moments when people don't show up, you can't fix those moments you missed. Like the moment I decided to be inducted not only into The National Society of Leadership and Success this semester but to also earn The Excellence Award. (NUTS NUTS NUTS, but I can explain later).  The moment I decided to take 12 hours this semester and my husband and best friend told me NO NO NO. (Guess what? I did it!)

So many other crazy wonderful sad and happy things have happened this past Spring and I am so blessed and fortunate to not only be alive, but also I am still painting the world Black and White one Pottery Barn catalog at a time!

(above is my greatest accomplishment thus far)

Oh, I did buy a piece of turquoise jewelry the other day!
Baby Steps Baby Steps!

Coming up next! I graduate this coming weekend with my
 Associates Degree!

This is Me, Then.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Luncheon, well of course!

I was having lunch with a dear friend yesterday and I told her I was going to a luncheon today and she replied, "You are going to drive all the way over there for lunch?" (I get invited to luncheons at my University from the education department and its an hour away). I replied,"Yes, anytime the word "luncheon" and an invite comes my way I say YES". LOL!  What I mean is, I've been a stay at home mom for 13 years and have watched my husband get invited to lunches, trips, parties and more. What have I been invited to? A PTO meeting. Ha! 
Going to college at 36 years old is AMAZING.  I mean, I feel so alive when I am on campus.  I feel like I am getting a second chance to experience what I missed out on so many years ago. 
Anyone that is having second thoughts or wondering if they should go to school, DO IT!  It will change your life forever.

This is Me, Then.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

What is Important to You?

I don't know about all of you but the three people I share a home with are the most important things in the world to me.  Every move I make, every breath I take, is for them.  When you take the vow of marriage it is forever, so make sure you marry your best friend.  When you decide to become a parent, now that's truly forever.  Some parents say they are done when their kid turns 18. Not me, I am going to parent these two from beyond this world!  They are stuck with me forever.  I am going to be there for them through thick and thin. I am going to fight for them. I am going hurt for them. I am going to keep this family together no matter what.  My son tells me he hates his sister, I am going to say, "Ok, let's go over there and tell her you hate her.  Now be ready, she's gonna tell you she hates you too, no one is perfect and we are gonna kick and scream until you two make up. Or I'm going to call you every day until you make up". Then one day it going to happen again, and I will fix it again.  I fight for my children, I listen to them. I let them beat me to pieces and I get right back up because I am their mother.  They do no wrong in my eyes and I never love or choose one over the other.  If one is hurting I ask him what I can do to fix it and I do it.  Will it work, who knows, but they know I tried!   As parents we must also remember our words are like daggers.  Your kids can tell you how horrible you are a million times and you still love them. But if a parent is negative or hurtful towards their child it cuts like a knife.  You can never get that piece of their heart back.  They will keep it hidden forever. 

Then those grand babies!  I can't wait to be sitting on the sidelines at all those t-ball games or dance recitals with my grandma tshirt on begging my children and their spouses to let me have those babies for the night or the week!  I will make my home so inviting and have a room set up for them so they want to be there.  Not, so stuffy and unkid-friendly that no one wants to come over!  I will get my teaching degree so I can be with my kids and grand kids any time they need me and more.  I will fly, drive, walk or crawl to them.  They will have to beat me away with a stick!  And if my son or daughter in law don't like me I will find out why and fix it!  I will do anything for my children and I won't miss a thing! 

Being a mother is the most important thing in the world to me. 
What is important to you?

This is Me, Then.

Monday, February 6, 2012

College Moms and Working Moms

I found the following info and wanted to share.  I think it pertains to working moms as well.

How To Balance School and Family When Mom Goes Back To College
How to Balance School Life With Family Life

For the busy mom returning to college, the most important ingredient in mixing school life with family life is balance. In order for Mom to return to college to earn a degree or prepare for career advancement, there must be a balance between family life and dedicated school time. It is important to maintain a strong healthy relationship with loved ones while taking the time to study. Whether you choose to learn online or attend a college or university, setting up a schedule will be invaluable in maintaining your sanity and achieving your goals.

 
College Students Require Time Alone

It is important for the kids and the spouse to realize that the busy student needs alone time to study and complete lessons. A clear and detailed schedule with designated study time and playtime, will help in defining when Mom is available and when she needs to be left alone. Online learning may seem to be an easier way to fit education into raising a family, but it still requires time to accomplish lessons, complete assigned reading and study for tests.

 
Schedule Time for Study and Play

A schedule posted on the refrigerator with blocked out times when you are studying and will help kids adjust to Mom not being readily available. The balance to this is of course scheduled time for play and family time. For the schedule to be successful, it should be strictly followed. When it's playtime, then play. When it's date night with the hubby, then go out and have a fun without worrying about that paper that needs to be finished or that last chapter you put off reading.


Share What You Learn in School

If you have school-aged children, your school experience can be used as an example to them. Your good study habits will be emulated by your children. Also, you can share what you are learning with your children. Share relevant topics with them at the family dinner table and encourage discussion. By making them a part of your learning experience they will feel more involved and may feel less threatened by your interest in something other than them.



Prepare to be Flexible With Your College Studies

Though the goal is to maintain and follow a set schedule, life inevitably will get in the way at times. When that happens, then flexibility becomes a factor. You should always have a built in 'whoops' in your schedule. Obviously in times of real family emergency, family wins out over school. Lessons can be made-up, but when the kids need you, it can't be put off or ignored. Have backup or standby childcare available. Try and stay caught up on coursework and study ahead if possible. Don't put things off until the last second. Be prepared. Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.


 
Set Aside Time to Study Alone

Your designated study time should be strictly adhered to by all members of the family. Make it clear that when you are studying, you are to be left alone, baring any real emergencies. You may have to lay out in detail what constitutes an emergency - "Can I have a snack", as opposed to "The toilet is plugged up and overflowing." During mid-terms of finals, this time may need to be expanded. Just make sure the kids know that it is only for a short while, and afterwards the normal schedule will resume.


 
Family meal - balancing school with family

Game night - balancing school with family

Ice Cream Sundae Night - balancing school with family

Family study time - balancing school with family Set Aside Time for the Family

Family meal time





Meals are a great time to spend with the family. It can start with preparation. Let the kids help in the kitchen and use the time together to talk about the day and any upcoming events that might effect the schedule. Even though the convenience of fast food dinners may seem very appealing, family dinners at home, offer much needed family time.



Game night



Board games, seem a bit outdated these days, but they are a wonderful way to spend time with the family. Many of the popular board games and card games can be played with younger family members but still offer a challenge to the older children and the parents. It can be a fun time for the family to bond together.



Movie night



Let the kids take turns picking out a movie for the family to watch. This can be from your own collection or make a family excursion to your local movie rental store. Share a big bowl of popcorn or similar favorite family snack. If the movie happens to go on beyond the usual bedtime, so much the better.



Ice cream sundae night



Set one night a week aside for ice cream night. Let each child in the family pick out their favorite ice cream flavor and toppings. If the children are old enough, let them build their own sundae. For this one night, don't worry about the mess or the extra sugar intake. Make it a family event.



Go to the theater



If you are attending a college or university, take advantage of the student priced tickets for school performances. Check out the program of upcoming plays or concerts and plan ahead to take the kids to appropriate shows. Not only will this give them something to look forward too, but it may allow them to see live performances that you would not ordinarily be able to afford to take them to.





Study together



If your children are in school also, you can spend time together studying. This can be a better alternative to Mom shutting herself up in her room to study alone. Also you will serve as an example and help instill good study habits.

What Tips Do You Have for Busy Moms? 
My tip: Run errands one day a week.  It's better to be crazy all in one day running the roads than a little crazy every day.

This is Me, Then.



Saturday, February 4, 2012

Valentines and Diplomas!

Well, my diploma finally came in the mail today. 
The anticipation and staring at my empty frame since mid December has just about killed me.  Well, it's here, I framed it, yes I have an Associates degree, but I've had one since mid December.  Ha! This is just a piece of paper. On to my bachelors degree.

In the midst of homework all day today I've played Words with Friends, ate an early dinner with my boys and made my son's Valentine Cards for his class.  I am reading The Love Dare again and starting it tomorrow.  My husband and I are in a little "funk" and me nagging him to be nicer to me and more romantic isn't working, SO I am going to do it to him. Do unto others kind of thing!  Fingers crossed it works!  I will report back in 40 days! 

I wanted to share a picture I came across the other day.  It's Taylor and her Granny that just passed away, Easter 2005. This was also the day we announced to our entire family that we were going to have a baby!  Taylor was 6 years old.

Time is precious.

This is Me, Then.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Confirmation and What it Means

I am very excited that Taylor has completed her confirmation classes and she, Lance and I will be confirmed next Sunday at our church.  This is the next step in our walk with God and becoming Anglican.  We believe that children are Baptized as infants or at any time the parents see fit.  We also believe that children don't have to ask Jesus into their hearts, he is always there, from the beginning.  My children are also blessed with amazing God Parents that love them and will make sure they stay on a Holy Path if anything where to ever happen to us or we lead them astray.  Then as a pre-teen or teenager the child is able to confirm their faith in the Lord when they are able to truly understand God's word fully. My husband and I are being confirmed as adults and we were able to take Bible classes last summer to fully understand our confirmation.

Our church and my journey the past 9 months has been a true blessing to my family and I.  Below are some definitions I found to explain a little better.  I also like to think of our church and anyone's church for that matter like this.  We all believe in the same Christian faith, we just take different paths and steps to get there.

This is Me, Then. 

Baptism

In baptism, we thank God for his gift of life and publicly acknowledge his love. In the Anglican Church it is common to baptise young children; this is sometimes known as christening.

Baptism is a 'sacrament' (holy ritual to symbolise grace) in the Christian tradition that is traced back to Jesus himself being baptized in the river Jordan.

Confirmation

Confirmation marks the point in the Christian journey where those who have been baptised as children make a firm commitment to Christian discipleship.
Through prayer and the laying on of hands by a bishop, the Church also asks God to give those being confirmed power, through the Holy Spirit, to live the life of discipleship.



Thursday, February 2, 2012

Who is Your Valentine?

Well, I am officially attending a University and I am officially crazy!  I want to walk you guys through my wild and wacky world but I don't seem to have time to breath!  HA! With that said, I am happy to report that my blood pressure has been running high for nine months and I have slowly removed all the stress and negative things in my life and it was PERFECT at my check up this week.  My Dr. was so proud of me for making changes in my life without medication.  Now hubby and I are getting healthy!  I am not focused on the lbs, I am focused on my well being. Between college, me subbing, our business, church and family, we stay pretty darn busy. Thought you might want to know who my Valentine is this year.  He's really my Valentine every year along with his Daddy and Sissy, but this year we decided to take some special pictures while he's still willing (though I did have to promise ice cream afterwards).









This is Me, Then.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

The Five Agreements

This book changed my life last fall. I thank my dear friend Kelley for telling me about it.    Now I just need to hang the agreements on my fridge and put them in my Kindle so I remember them in times of need!  HA!  Enjoy!

The Five Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

January 17, 2010 by Editor



According to don Miguel Ruiz, everything we do is based on agreements we have made — agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, and with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. With these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible.



The Five Agreements:



1.BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2.DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3.DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4.ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are tired as opposed to well rested. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

5.BE SKEPTICAL, BUT LEARN TO LISTEN

Don’t believe yourself or anybody else. Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear: Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind the words, and you will understand the real message.

The Four Agreements slowly helps you to recover your authentic self, and the real you starts to awaken. With The Fifth Agreement comes the complete acceptance of yourself just the way you are, and the complete acceptance of everybody else just the way they are. The reward is your eternal happiness. The Fifth Agreement is made with words, of course, but its meaning and intent is beyond the words. The Fifth Agreement is ultimately about seeing your whole reality with the eyes of truth, without words.



Make the Five Agreements your way of life — love yourself, enjoy life, and make your personal world a dream of heaven. And, by changing your world, you are changing the world.



As don Miguel says, “By practicing the Five Agreements, what you are really doing is respecting everything in creation. You are respecting your dream; you are respecting everybody else’s dream. If you use these tools, your effort is really for everyone, because your joy, your happiness, your peace, and your heaven are contagious. When you are happy, the people around you are happy too, and it inspires them to change their own world.”



This way of life is entirely possible, and it’s in your hands. The change begins with you. Why not start now?

This is Me, Then.





Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Let 2012 Be Your Year...

In 2011 I let people in my life dictate my well being, my worth, my me.  Not anymore.  In my search for answers and why me me me, I realized I wasn't the one with the problem, these people hurting me where the ones with the problem.  They are the ones with a low self worth or why else would they find such joy in hurting, not forgiving and punishing me.  I turned my sadness into joy and now pray for these people daily and wish them nothing but happiness and success even though they don't feel the same about me.  I turned my sorrow into finally finishing my Associates Degree in Elementary Education from Lee College.  It was a tough semester with some sacrifices me and my family had to make but WE did it.  I then turned my sorrow into getting accepted to the University of Houston Clear Lake and I am proud to say I will begin there next week with a plan to graduate in May of 2014 with my teaching degree.  My husband and I made the decision to take out a student loan to pay for these last two years and I am proud to say my husband paid for my associates degree with no help.  I applied for and received two grants and one scholarship as well.  I have been truly blessed with the MOST AMAZING man on earth, my husband. 

I would like to end by tooting a little horn! Everyone should toot their own horn!  I was nominated for The National Society of Leadership and Success, Sigma Alpha Pi.  I can not wait to see what the future holds for me and my family. 
Mission:We Build Leaders Who Make a Better World.The Society is an organization that helps people discover and achieve their goals. The Society offers life-changing lectures from the nations leading presenters and a community where like-minded success oriented individuals come together and help one another succeed. The Society also serves as a powerful force of good in the greater community by encouraging and organizing action to better the world.


This is Me, Then.


Monday, January 9, 2012

College...Don't Knock It Unless You've Tried It.

College, if your parents put you through college, stop right now and give them a call and say thank you. 
College, if your parents couldn't afford to put you through so they took out loans, donated body parts, whatever, stop right now and call them and say thank you.
College, if your parents were unable to put you through BUT supported you as you put yourself through with words or praise and encouragement and just being there for you, stop right now and call them and say thank you.

If you did or are doing it all on your own with no support from your family, no words of praise, no words of encouragement, stop right now and thank yourself.  You are truly amazing! 

If not only you are doing it yourself but you are also married with kids at home, a single parent with kids at home, you work, you do anything other than have complete focus and attention on college then you deserve a key to the city!!!! A Parade!!!! A Party!!!! You deserve everything.

If you have a loved one in your life, a friend, a child, a parent, a neighbor, or anyone in your circle that goes to college please remember that not only are they doing something VERY SCARY and out of the box, they are doing something for their family's future.  A typical day for them involves the normal routine of a crazy parent and trying to maintain a marriage and/or homelife, but sitting in a classroom with a bunch of teenagers or twentysomethings fresh out of highschool that make you feel SUPER old and refer to you as Mrs. or Mr. instead of "hey you".  Then you come home and any free time is spent grocery shopping, bill paying, clothes washing, dishwasher loading and when you finally sit down and try to remember the last time you bathed someone needs help with their homework, folders signed, books read, and then you realize its 10:00 and everyones going to bed.  BUT WAIT, you haven't done your homework because your college professor doesnt care what your homelife is, you need to read this, type that, post a response to something by tonight at midnight. And if you WORK too, full time or part time, God Bless You! Its the MOST rewarding and MOST frustraiting thing any adult can take on.  SO, please realize if this person you love doesnt make it by to see your new lamp, or meet you for tea, or go shopping,  that they really just need a nap or a caserole for tonights dinner. Also, any free time is given to their spouse and children that never get their full attention anymore.

Hats off to returning students of the world!  You are amazing!

This is Me, Then.

Monday, September 12, 2011

White Stuff in Your Hair?

Wow, let's see.  Is it Friday yet?  I got up at 5:45, hit snooze, got up at 6:00, hit snooze, got up at 6:15, hit snooze, hubby got up at 6:30.  HOLY SMOKES, I was supposed to be up 45 minutes ago!  Ran to my daughters room, "get up, its 6:30, we slept in".  Hair straightening iron goes on, and the day begins.  My son sits up in his bed as I walk to the bathroom.  "good morning mom" he yawns.  I say "lay back down" he replies "I slept a long time, I want to get up". 

Let's go back to this weekend and why we were all so sleepy!  My hubby and son went to the deer lease for a boys weekend with my hubby's dad, brother, nephew and friend.  Had a blast!  I stayed home w my daughter, had a blast!  Went to church, home to meet the boys and then go bowling w our church and then home to scream at the tv because my husband beat me in week 1 of our fantasy football!  URGH!  Stayed up until 11:00 hoping for a fantasy football miracle in the form of Santonio Holmes or Dustin Keller, and NOPE!  No miracle!

Back to my son this morning!  He's up, daughter is up, sausage and biscuits are going, thanks to my amazing husband and I go lay back down until 6:50.  Yes, I was that tired! 

Hubby says breakfast is ready, we eat and my daughter and I are out the door at 7:05.  Get her dropped off and I am back home at 7:30ish but I sit in the car for five minutes listening to the rest of Roula and Ryan's Roses Update on the radio, don't ask, but it involved a hubby cheating on his wife NOT w a female!  Tortured story I had to finish!

Back in the house, my AMAZING husband has our son dressed, I look for socks, fill out his fundraiser form, stick it in his back pack and he and I are off!  THANK THE LORD he was eating at school today, chicken nuggets and green beans to the rescue!  No lunch was needed!

Get him dropped off by 8:00.  Home to an important conversation with my best friend as I started a load of clothes and then finished our talk while I enjoyed a slightly cool humid hot breeze outside.   I then walk in the house and my husband tells me to follow him 45 minutes away to take my car to a shop we use now since my car is out of warranty and it specializes in my car and is half the price.  Ok, so I am off again!

Half way home after all these plans of lunch and grocery shopping together (yes, my exciting life with my husband while the kids are away involves grocery shopping), I realize I am supposed to be at my sons school at 11:00 to take Grandparents Day Pictures as a volunteer.  We race home, I throw my dirty hair into a pony tail, change from my "mommy pants" to some fancy "mommy pants".  Then I get to his school at 11, stay until 1 taking pics and pulling him out of class while his teacher and I re-measure him for a tux he has to wear in two weeks for his Aunts wedding!  (measurements got mixed up). Then I race home, load the dishwasher up and decide to leave a little early to pick my daughter up from school for her Orthodontist appt because my husband had to go look at a job and I was afraid I wouldnt be back in time for my son to get off the bus!  So I had my neighbor and friend on stand by and even the bus driver, texting her and telling her just to take him home if noone was outside!  She's a friend of the family thank the Lord! 

Orthodontist appt. went well, got elastics, don't ask, and then home by 4:00 (got son off the bus) for me to realize I have a math quiz due by midnight and homework due by 8:00 AM tomorrow.   So, bootcamp is out, I am staying home, washing clothes and doing math until I pop!  Daddy is handling dinner, boiled shrimp and football! 

Oh and if you got this far I will save a little tidbit for you:  As I sat in the orthodontist office with my slick backed dirty pony tail, my daughter says "you need some head and shoulders, you have white stuff all on the side of you hair".  I just sighed and kept playing Words W Friends on my phone.

This is Me, Always. 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Really Don't Know What to Blog About Anymore!

Well, I am at a loss for words.  Yes, me! Crazy huh?
I was hurt very badly this past Spring and putting my life out for all to see has been hard for me.  Do I stop blogging all together? Do I just blog what we cook? Do I just blog crafts or decorations?  Do I just let myself blog whatever is going on that day?  These past six months I have had some major ups and downs and my eyes have been opened to numerous things.  First off, facebook is a tool used to hurt people.  Not everyone does it, not even mean people do it.  People in general use Facebook to post about their magical life and all thats in it and what someone else wasn't invited to.  People will post about this and that while their friends read it and wonder why in the world they werent invited and then remind themselves that they are adults and this crud shouldnt matter.  Then people don't use the private message button to ask someone a question or thank them for something they did because they want the entire world to see!  They WANT their friends list to see that not only where they not invited but they had a blast too!  LOL! 
How did I figure this out?  I was doing it!  Not only was I doing it, I was reading others posts that hurt my feelings because I didn't understand why they didnt invite me! 

So, as hard as it is for me, I have tried to make my status updates about me only and not who I just had dinner with and you didn't!  Its a learning curve and I also don't want to give away so much of me that people think they know me just because of my status updates. 

Really people need to think!  You are posting these things publically because deep down you want people to know you did something fun without them!  It hurts!  Ha!

So, I am trying to stop doing that myself!  I may slip a time or two, but I am trying!

With that said, I want to get back into blogging.  I don't know when or how but I want to.

We'll see what happens!




This is Me, Then.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

When Life Throws You Lemons, Make a Lemonade Stand!

I have been out of the blogging loop lately and then I try to jump back in and I fall right back out.  Ha!  Well, my life has had some wild, sad and amazing turns these past few months and I feel even more blessed than before.  To make a long story short we have changed denominations, joined a church, got the kids Baptized, joined the Chamber of Commerce, started selling Advocare (https://www.advocare.com/11068824/) and I have taken control of my life.  Getting involved in my community, my church and people that care about me for me has been a huge eye opener. 

I am back to being happy in my life and having fun. I am back to standing tall and not letting negative people or things in my life.  I am back to being me, all the sparkles and all. 

I can't make you love me, forgive me, hate me or like me. Only you can do that!

With that garbage out of the way I am going to finish posting pics of my house this week and I am starting the 24 Day Challenge w Advocare next week and I am SUPER excited to report I have lost 5 lbs in two weeks just by adding Spark to my life.  Its a mix in for your water and I LOVE it!  I am off all sodas and Vitamin Waters. 

Did I also tell you I attended a NKOTBSB concert?  If you don't know what that is, dont ask!  LOL!

This is Me, Again.

Monday, June 6, 2011

You May Want to Rethink How Long You Want to Punish Someone...Because They May Not Be There When You Are Through.


RELEASING ANGER AND BITTERNESS



While God desires that we recognize our anger and bitterness toward others, harboring those feelings and refusing to work toward the restoration of broken relationships is contrary to His will. We need to prayerfully confront and confess inner feelings of anger, and then surrender them to the loving healing of our heavenly Father.



God calls us first to confront our own feelings openly and honestly....



Stop being mean, bad-tempered, and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. Instead, be king to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving you because you belong to Christ.

Ephesians 4: 31-32 TLB



For, dear brothers, you have been given freedom: not freedom to do wrong, but freedom to love and serve each other. For the whole Law can be summed up in this one command: “Love others as you love yourself.” But if instead of showing love among yourselves you are always critical and catty, watch out! Beware of ruining each other. Galatians 5: 13-15 TLB



Look after each other so that not one of you will fail to find God’s best blessings. What out that no bitterness takes root among you, for as it springs up it causes deep trouble, hurting many in their spiritual lives. Hebrews 12:15TLB



Anyone who says he is walking in the light of Christ but dislikes his fellow man is still in darkness. But whoever loves his fellow man is “walking in the light” and can see his way without stumbling around in darkness and sin. For he who dislikes his brother is wandering in spiritual darkness and doesn’t know where he is going, for the darkness has made him blind so that he cannot see the way.

1 John 2: 9-11 TLB



A man with hate in his heart may sound pleasant enough, but don’t believe him; for he is cursing you in his heart. Though he pretends to be so kind, his hatred will finally come to light for all to see. Proverbs 26: 24-26 TLB



Our heavenly Father calls us to work actively toward forgiving others and restoring broken relationships...



Your heavenly Father will forgive you if you forgive those who sin against you. Matthew 6:14TLB



I am warning you! “Rebuke your brother if he sins, and forgive him if he is sorry. Even if he wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, forgive him.” Luke 17: 3-4 TLB



Follow God’s example in everything you do just as much loved child imitates his father. Be full of love for others, following the example of Christ who loved you and gave himself to God as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, for Christ’s love for you was like sweet perfume to him. Ephesians 5: 1-2 TLB



But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive you your sins too. Mark 11: 25 TLB



Dear brothers, if a Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humble help him back onto the right path, remembering that next time it might be one of you who is in the wrong. Galatians 6: 1 TLB



When you forgive anyone, I do too. And whatever I have forgiven (to the extent that this affected me too) has been by Christ’s authority, and for your good. A further reason for forgiveness is to keep from being outsmarted by Satan, for we know what he is trying to do. 2 Corinthians 2: 10 -11 TLB



BEHAVIORS AND ATTITUDES



The Scriptures are clear that we are both responsible and accountable to God for our behavior and attitudes:



Yes, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Romans 14: 12 TLB



And I tell you this, that you must give account on Judgment Day for every idle word you speak. Matthew 12: 36 TLB



Your words now reflect your fate then: either you will be justified by them or you will be condemned. Matthew 12: 37 TLB



God tolerated man’s past ignorance about these things, but now he commands everyone to put away idols and worship only him. For he has set a day for justly judging the world by the man he has appointed, and has pointed him out by bringing him back to life again. Acts 17: 30-31 TLB



Remember, too, that knowing what is right to do and then not doing it is sin.

James 4: 17 TLB



God disciplines those He loves in order to bring about a change of behavior or attitude:



Being punished isn’t enjoyable while it is happening -- it hurts! But afterwards we can see the result, a quiet growth in grace and character. Hebrews 12: 11 TLB



And we will never stop thanking God for this: that when we preached to you, you didn’t think of the words we spoke as being just our own, but you accepted what we said as the very Word of God -- which, of course, it was -- and it changed your lives when you believed it. 1 Thessalonians 2: 13 TLB



Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from you own experience how his ways will really satisfy you. Romans 12: 2 TLB



When we submit to the loving discipline of our Heavenly Father, He is faithful to lead us toward righteousness:



But if we confess our sins to him, he can be depended on to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong. (And it is perfectly proper for God to do this for us because Christ died to wash away our sins.) 1 John 1: 9 TLB



Do not let sin control you puny body any longer; do not give in to its sinful desires. Do not let any part of your bodies become tools of wickedness, to be used for sinning; but give yourselves completely to God -- every part of you-- for you are back from death and you want to be tools in the hands of God, to be used for his good purposes. Sin need never again be your master, for now you are no longer tied to the law where sin enslaves you, but you are free under God’s favor and mercy. Romans 6: 13-14 TLB



If you have really heard is voice and learned from him the truths concerning himself, then throw off your old evil nature -- the old you that was a partner in your evil ways -- rotten through and through, full of lust and shame. Now your attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better. Yes, you must be a new and different person, holy and good. Clothe yourself with this new nature. Ephesians 4: 21-24 TLB



But when the Holy Spirit controls our live he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control; and here there is no conflict with Jewish laws. Those who belong to Christ have nailed their natural evil desires to his cross and crucified them there.

Galatians 5: 22-24 TLB



And I will give you a new heart -- I will give you new and right desires -- and put a new spirit within you. I will take out your stony hearts of sin and give you new hearts of love. And I will put my Spirit within you so that you will obey my laws and do whatever I command. Ezekial 36: 26-27 TLB





BOUNDARIES



God helps us to establish healthy boundaries through His strength and guidance. Proper mental, emotional, and spiritual boundaries enable us to focus on God’s love for us, as well as the ways in which He can use us to better serve the Body of Christ.



When personal boundaries are weakened from turmoil...



We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us -- they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady. Then, when that happens, we are able to hold our heads high no matter what happens and know that all is well, for we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. Romans 5: 3-5 TLB



He will keep in perfect peace all those who trust in Him, whose thoughts turn often to the Lord! Trust in the Lord God always, for in the Lord Jehovah is your everlasting strength. Isaiah 26: 4 TLB



I have told you all this so that you will have peace of heart and mind. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows; but cheer up, for I have overcome the world. John 16: 33 TLB



For the Scriptures tell us that no one who believes in Christ will ever be disappointed. Romans 10: 11 TLB



Establishing boundaries under God’s direction...



Lord, I am overflowing with your blessing, just as you promised. Now teach me good judgment as well as knowledge. For your laws are my guide.

Psalms 119: 65-66 TLB



In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success. Proverbs 3: 5-6 TLB



So ever since we fist heard about you we have kept on praying and asking God to help you understand what He wants you to do; asking Him to make you wise about spiritual things; and asking that the way you live will always please the Lord and honor Him, so that you will always be doing good, kind things for others, while all the time you are learning to know God better and better, We are praying, too, that you will be filled with His mighty, glorious strength so that you can keep going no matter what happens -- always full of the joy of the Lord, and always thankful to the Father who has made us fit to share all the wonderful things that belong to those who live in the Kingdom of light. Colossians 1: 9-12TLB



I will instruct you (says the Lord) and guide you along the best pathway for your life; I will advise you and watch your progress. Psalms 32: 8 TLB



God’s continuing work in our lives...



And I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in His grace until His task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns. Philippians 1: 6 TLB



It is God himself who has made us what we are and given us new lives from Christ Jesus; and long ages ago He planned that we should spend these lives in helping others. Ephesians 2: 10 TLB



I am expecting the Lord to rescue me again, so that once again I will see His goodness to me here in the land of the living. Don’t be impatient. Wait for the Lord, and He will come and save you! Be brave, softhearted, and courageous. Yes, wait and He will help you. Psalms 27: 13-14 TLB



Respecting the boundaries of others...



Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don’t just think about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and in what they are doing. Philippians 2: 3-4 TLB

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Yes, I am Still Here!

Yes, I am still here, just have had a crazy, stressful few weeks, months, really.  All is well and God will prevail like he always does!

I hope to start the summer off with LOTS of new blogs and get back into the swing of things!

This is Me, Then.